What blocks you from self-love? Are you too busy? Does depression shut down your motivation? Has someone or something convinced you that you are not worthy of it? Do you lack an understanding of what self-love is? Do you judge self-love as wrong? Do you place others before you and have no energy for yourself? Do you feel that you don’t deserve it? Are you so busy surviving that the concept hasn’t occurred to you?
The believe that self-love is selfish and wrong blocks the flow of self-love. I think one reason why people hold onto this believe is because they’re not aware that there are two kinds of self-love. There is ego-based self-love which is a conditional love that cares only about what the ego cares about. And there is spirit-based self-love which is an unconditional love that wants healing, health and happiness for the whole person.
The reason why there are two kinds of self-love is because we are made of both spirit and ego and both try to guide us through life although the ego’s voice is much louder and insistent.
Without knowing that there are two kinds of self-love, one might assume that ego-based self-love is the only kind of self-love that there is. Then when people see the selfish and destructive behavior that ego-based self-love can sometimes produce, they justifiably disapprove of the concept of self-love.
As we pursue spirit-based unconditional self-love and learn how to pay attention to what we need concerning our spirit, mind and body, it teaches us what other people also need concerning their spirit, mind and body. And this allows us to express our love on a deeper level.
If we don’t love ourselves and take care of ourselves, we will burn-out and most likely face serious health issues. And then we won’t be able to help and contribute to life in the way that we want to.
So think of unconditional self-love as a fuel that allows us to keep moving forward as we learn to pace ourselves, rest and set healthy boundaries.
Now we are free to release the false believe that self-love is selfish and wrong and embrace unconditional self-love as something good and valuable to pursue.
Note: This blog entry was inspired by my book, Unconditional Self-love:What it is, Why it’s important, and How to nurture it in your life.
I am writing an article about self-love for my newsletter and stumbled across this article. I love the analogy of self-love as fuel.
Hi Gina Marie!
Sorry not to see your message until now.I am so glad to hear that you liked what I wrote!Warmly, Rita Loyd
I’m waiting for payday 26th January but for the first time in years I have a heated home food in the cupboards my bills are paid and I have petrol in my car and live with two people who care for Me and respect Me that’s a first too for years. However I’m the happiest I’ve been in years I’m 51 and hit a depressed state but it’s been part of who I am since I was 14. 2025 is about growth and learning my place alone in this world again but I’m happy because I can decide who’s going to be worthy of my time after I’ve learnt to accept myself and will look forward to buying your book for an aid in my self discovery and learning that no one is coming time to rescue myself and not focus on others but just Me and then make friends with women first healthy as this has been missing since I was 14 too. Looking forward to buying your book on the 26th…. Thank You for your work for my…work in progress ❤️
Hi Sally! Thank you for sharing with me a little bit about your life. I’m so glad that you are on the path of unconditional self-love. I know it can be hard when times get tough but it’s during those hard times when we need self-love the most. I can relate to a lot of what you say. There does come a time in life when we have to set up those healthy boundaries even when our old trauma responses tell us that its not safe to not people please. Keep focusing on your own healing. It is the most important work we can do.Sounds like you have done a lot of healing work and I am so proud of you for doing so! Keep checking in with yourself. keep asking yourself, how do I feel? How am I talking to myself? Am I speaking to myself with support and understanding or with old patterns of shaming? Keep doing those things that nurture your health and your nervous system. I look forward to your order knowing that my book will become one more beautiful tool in your life teaching you to keep loving yourself.
Warmly, Rita
Love a good self help book. Invaluable experience working on myself has ever been ❤️
Me too!
thank you for this article… i have been living with the belief is definitely selfish. many people have trouble understanding that and i can not explain it.. but learning that there are 2 different kinds of self love offers me a kind of self love that is not selfish and definitely worth working towards.
thank you for a way to articulate my most basic belief… and a way to understand it
Teri! I am so touched by your message and I am so happy my article spoke to you! Thank you for purchasing my books and message card deck! I think they will help a lot!